i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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