It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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