On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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