he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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