if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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