I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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