I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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