From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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