I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
