TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
