I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
