U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
