thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
