Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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