I hate your face
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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