From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
