im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
