I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
