I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
