I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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