he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
