Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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