I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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