I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
