As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
