Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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