i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
