I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
