if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
