He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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