Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
