There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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