do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
