Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
