connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize