I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
