I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
