cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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