You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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