Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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