It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
