FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
