my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone came in the potted fern
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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