you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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