She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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