So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
