k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
