I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
