last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
