so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
