I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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