You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
