my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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