I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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