I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What a dumb baby whore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize