Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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