Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
