i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
