well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
