Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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