My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
