I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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