im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
