I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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