Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I just put wine in my tea
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
