I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
