so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
