She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
