Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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