You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
