my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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