Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
