3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
