I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she peed on how many people?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
