Me. At least after what I've been through.
it hurts more in the daytime
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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