So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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