i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
