all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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