So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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