On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
