so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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