Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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