How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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